A fic I wrote a while back.

To My Willow, Happy Birthday.

Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she’s not breathing?
Hello I’m your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello

When Tara died, it broke her apart, the magicks go too much to handle but she knew just who to go to. Spike. Willow didn’t speak when she walked into his crypt, knew she didn’t need words with him, he’d always somehow understood. The few steps it took to come in front of him strengthened her courage and she leaned up and captured his mouth in a searing kiss, needing the darkness inside of him to envelop her, and hide her away.

If I smile and don’t believe
Soon I know I’ll wake from this dream
Don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken
Hello I am the lie living for you so you can hide
Don’t cry

He didn’t want to think about the reason she was here, didn’t want to overanalyze the reason the girl of his undead dreams was kissing him right then, and with so much need. Spikes fingers tangled in her hair and he deepened the kiss, pressing against her. She only pushed him away when she needed to breathe, her eyes meeting his for the first time in a while. They betrayed her raw need to feel something, and her trust that he wouldn’t try to fix it, he would just make her feel again. He’d seen that look before, remembered what it felt like to lose Liam, he knew what she needed and as much as it hurt him to comply, he knew he’d give it to her.

He nodded even though he knew he didn’t need to and led her to his bed. She didn’t even tremble as she sat at the edge of it, looking up at him with wide eyes.  “Hurt me…please.” Her voice was hoarse from crying but he heard and understood her plea. His hands pushed her to a laying position on the bed and he heard the gasp of breath leave her lungs. Kicked off his boots on the way to the bed, moving catlike toward her, their eyes locking. He knew she was afraid but that she needed this more than anything. His heart broke into a million pieces as he took her, knowing full well he was just a means to an end.

Suddenly I know I’m not sleeping
Hello I’m still here
All that’s left of yesterday

It was exactly what she had needed. It kick started her will to live. It had been weeks before she’d go to him again, and again, addicted to the pain that made her feel alive.

~ by riveroftrouble on November 17, 2009.